Can't Make the Second Night

I've realized that this semester I've been a little slutty. I've made out with a lot of guys....or maybe that guys have been on my mind more than usual, especially at parties. Parties where you know the majority of the people...what do you do then? Find someone to hookup with. Or at parties where you don't really know anyone...what do you do? Start talking to a guy, and either make a friend or hookup with him. First I went home with Will and then I hooked up with Rob. With both of these guys, I just wanted to see again. Friends with benefits is all I'm looking for now. In want to feel secure with a friend and hookup. I do not enjoy feeling like shit after a hookup because I thought it would happen again, while he doesn't. Blahhhhhhhhhhhhh I guess I just don't understand the college relationship culture. I'm as ignorant as ever again.

Les Miserables

I haven't posted in a while...I've found myself consciously thinking that I was too busy for this. This is for recording my time and thoughts.

I'm currently listening to "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miserables. I have a great life. I need to appreciate that more often, but I have noticed it more and more. The movie is about a man with suffering all around him and suffering in his life. He chooses to rise above the injustice that has been put upon him and serve others his entire life.

"I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving"
Also, today I watched Silver Lining Playbook. I am now convinced that I'm like Jennifer Lawrence. She played her role fabulously!

This semester has gone by so fast it seems. I'm spending my time learning and studying. I want to start doing more new things...routine makes me uneasy....it's easy then to get stuck in a rut.

I cannot write more, this song is too depressing...goodnight.

That Ukulele Player in that Indie Band You've Probably Never Heard Of

Tonight was the first FYP party of the spring semester. It was STELLAR!! I really cannot imagine not having joined FYP. The people are all extremely unique and friendly and welcoming and helpful. What a spectacular group! To recall what I did tonight: I went over to Rachel's and Maryclaire's to pregame and then we showed up...I was in that corner for a while, where I talked to Peter and Alex and Emily and of course explained my costume. I then believe I proceeded to talk to many people. I met new people and older people. I'm STAGE MANAGER!! It's going to be hard but I'm going to make it work because I want to be more involved in FYP. Even without the theater part of the organization, I want to give my heart to it. It is hard to find things to pour my heart into, but I believe this is a truly worthy place to give my time. The people!

I don't want things to be awkward with Will and I really don't think they will be. I think I'm generally confused about dynamics of college relationships. Not RELATIONSHIPS, but friendships and meetings. I don't understand how people end up in relationships in college. I am challenged in this part of my life, but I do think that eventually it will all work out for the best. Hipster clothes! It was amazing!!

Melissa fell and hit her head, which was a drastically different occurrence at an FYP party, and I cannot say that I was okay with it. I don't know how I feel about it. I got in a weird funk after that that reminded me of being back in high school with those depression funks. Why do people risk so much? I'm not better than anyone else, I just suspect that I've been lucky. I do some stupid shit, but there have never been severe consequences. I cannot say the same for some of the people that I've been close to. Too many of my friends have gotten in trouble with the police. I'm beginning to think that I'm a practicing egoist. I look to what benefits myself. I do care about other people and I think that if I was put in a situation where it was one of my close friends in Melissa's position, I would stay whatever it was. OF COURSE I WOULD STAY!! I don't know why I thought I wouldn't. But I have realized that the flight is strong with me. I would run to numb the pain or the fear. I have faith in my legs, my body...my mind? Yes, I do think that I'm clever..really this is true. I'm done with tearing myself down. I'm enjoying life and experiencing new things, but I will try not to be stupid about it. STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS

A Swinging Good Time

Maddie and Monica invited me to Phi Sig's date function. I was at a Sigma Pi mixer at Baja Bean when they asked me. I was talking to Brian, catholic, Venezuelan and Irish that night.

Tonight, I went to the date function with Patrick who was really nice, a 4th yer mechanical engineer. He is listening to The Lord of the Rings books on tape while he drives. From North Carolina. Bang! And swing dancing. Game of pool and heated seats.

A SigDelt First Night

So this is a first post from partying of the 2nd semester! I am really drunk....truly, Jay just drove me home and I'm actually considering doing a no backspace! What?!??! That would be great! I met Scott...terrible 1st impression but oh goodness, he's attractive!

A Sister for Life?

I went thought the rush process... I met some really fantastic girls and I ventured back to some houses many more times. After the first round of round robins I was exhausted but excited to see more of the sororities I liked. After themes I realized I was a little more invested in the idea of joining than I initially intended. After house tours I knew that I wanted to join. After preference round...I was a little taken aback at how fast my perspective changed. A sister for life? That's a huge commitment. I know I want to join Sigma Delta Tau. The girls I met there are fantastic and motivated. Being surrounded by these girls will motivate me to lead and create. I do not want to become the "typical" sorority girl and I don't think that I will because I'm very secure in the person that I am now. I want the opportunities, the connections, the networking, the bond that comes with the sorority. Also, I wish to become part of a group that will enable me different perspectives....I have to decide whether to accept or decline my bid in a few hours. I have already decided....to accept. I want to be part of the sorority, although the whole idea of the sisterhood may have to grow on me...

Moral Theory and Its Application to Law

This is the first article that I had to read for my Philosophical problems in law class. It compares Utilitarianism to Kantianism. Kant agreed with the Christian view that humans are morally special and thus we deserve a special kind of respect and rights that comes with that status. This view needs for human beings to be different from animals, special; thus, there was the creation of the soul. These immortal souls given to us by God are the reason we are different from animals. When we wanted to be special, different, we created this idea of a soul, impossible to prove. In this way, human insecurity of lack of originality brought about the inception of Christianity. The thought that we are the same as animals just seems so inconceivable that we must rationalize there is something undetectable within the human being that is precious, special, different.

Take a Plunge

I have never thought that I would be a sorority girl: the stereotyped sorority girl is not who I am or who I wish to be. I decided to take the plunge into a different experience: sorority rush. It involves talking with girls in different sororities. I am going to go into rush with the mindset: convince me that I belong here. I want to have an open mind but at the very start of this process I don't feel like its the right scene for me and, for who I want to be, I don't really think a sorority would help me....maybe it could...

I spent today having dinner with Hannah and some girls from her floor. Most of her floor is rushing. Eventually they all starting worrying over their outfits, and I did a little as well, but really why should it matter. They give guidelines for the dress of different event, but really to be an individual, you should interpret that one way and then show off your unique style...not conform. In conforming, you lose a part of your individuality. That individuality gives you confidence. Be bold. Be different. Be your unique self. Because let's be honest, if you have to become someone else to fit into what sororities want, then there is absolutely no point in joining.

The Reason for Religion

What is the most important question that human beings must answer?

This is the reason for religion.

Thich Nhat Hanh: Essential Writings - A Commentary

Introduction
Sister Annabel Laity recounts the life of "Thay" and the suffering he endured in his search of peace. During the Vietnamese war, he was regarded as an enemy of both sides for not declaring preference for either side, for being a pacifist. (How can a pacifist be considered an enemy? For encouraging peace, I would call anyone a friend.) Thay was exiled from Vietnam, his students and friends were killed, while some others immolated themselves to protest the treatment of Buddhists and Buddhism in Vietnam. Thay has dedicated hi,self to a life of helping others which I believe is a tremendous achievement considering the things he has lived through.

Life is a Miracle
"Our true home is in the present moment. To live in the present moment is a miracle." (19) the present is where we are and where we belong despite where we are geographically. The present holds our body, mind, thoughts, and feelings, everything that makes us ourselves.
"The more we have suffered in the past, the stronger a healer we can become. We can learn to transform our suffering into the kind of insight that will help our friends and society." (23) I imagine this is why Thich Nhat Hanh has so much to offer: he has suffered much and yet has managed to transform that suffering into wisdom for others to learn from. Thay writes that humans tend to focus on the negatives instead of the positives. While sick, we focus on how much it sucks that we are sick, instead of focusing on the positives of the sickness: at least there is no headache, cramping, or worse symptoms. In a moment of sickness, one can focus on the relief of not being in a worse condition. Transforming the negative into positive maybe more difficult in a more extreme case of suffering, such as losing a family member; however, any experience of suffering can be used to deepen understanding and compassion. With that experience you gain the knowledge of how to help others in similar situations.

Suffering is not Enough
          "Calming, Smiling, Present moment Wonderful moment." (26)

A Familiar Hobbit Dream

Mom, Cayden, and I were staying or living in this motel, with only one floor. It may have been for Pat and Kate's wedding because they were also there. I remember some kid came into our room and asked me to mhelp him steal people's stuff....I helped until the cops came, which I had told Cayden to call. But the four hobbits showed up again.

Last time and this time I remember they put a request on Craigslist for four mattresses, basically places to sleep. I remember we decided to essentially take them in and adopt them. It's time they seemed to switch from human form to dog form. There was a silky off-white one, curly black, one that was auburn, and the other I do not remember. Each was the same type of dog, similar to a labrodoodle with a rectangular shaped face. Last thing I remember I told them we were all going to the park. I. Cuddled with them and asked if they wanted to go also.